we shall overcome one day…

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Hi
I am my history, You may know me by my name, but you don’t really know who I am and what’s my story? May be you ‘ve heard about me by *them but I maintain they don’t know what I went through?
May be they are better, may be they really are, as I can’t be judgemental but then we don’t know what we come across in our lives, but still if they are better, and when I imagine them in my shoe , I see them falling in their first step. I have fallen, I am hurt. They can just imagine my reaction,they can’t introspect.
Noone can claim, what they will do if this happens to them until they are in it,it is easy to judge else’s action assuming yours, if you would be in their shoe. But I know the uncertainty of life now, we just know what we think we would do, NOT what we would actually do.
They want to judge me-” don’t – just don’t, they can’t handle half of what I ve dealt with. There is a reason I do things I do, there is a reason I am who I am ‘ coz when I began loving whatever was not healthy for me(may be people, job, my beliefs, my habits), I hated all that kept making me feel small and vulnerable. Yeah! ” Yours” and ” My” judgement call that disloyal but somewhere now I see it as self loving, why not if can make mistakes while loving others , I can make it again loving me. My life I lived, my behaviour(noone talks of it now ha ha), my mistakes and my lessons.
And what is theirs?
Its a judgment!!!
Always…
I am not my past anymore.
They can’t accept me for who I am today ‘coz thats me in front of them. They can just judge me ‘coz their sins were not same as mine but they were not quick even to forgive then to pass a judgement as I did.

In the end, we ll be judged by god not only in terms of what we have done to ourselves but in terms what we have done to others and that includes our JUDGEMENT too.
One thing that still keeps me going are the lines we used to sing-
We shall overcome
I will overcome,
Oh, Deep in my heart ,
I do believe

WE SHALL OVERCOME ONEDAY😊

ghosts of the dark street…

 

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I don’t like walking on these streets, they follow me, they horrify me, I usually don’t prefer them, but then my daily life that finally lands me on them. Don’t know if they actually scare or no, but yes when I am in the middle of my journey on these roads, I see them or feel them the most as no matter even if I decide take a U-turn from the street, time spent will be the same. They scare me, I can’t see them, but just their presence or absence may be… as I feel they are behind but I don’t have the guts to see at my back. Even if by far I know they have not hurt me but they affect, I feel Concious and scared. The darkness on the street and this hide and seek becomes so long that each second feels like an hour.
Where I am?
Nowhere else!
I just woke up with a dream..
This is basically few thoughts and statement that I said, or may be lie somewhere deeper in my heart – true feelings of a Concious, people fearing person ! Now till ‘God Fearing’ was okay, what’s this People Fearing? It’s basically people who you feel, follows you everywhere and who basically have nothing to do in your life other then to think of you.
You are unlucky? You just lost a caring and a selfless person that don’t exist elsewhere, then in your mind. Yeah! people say and forget, but they don’t mean that always, maybe its their kinda refreshment break from there life n you are taking that on your heart and mind.
No one has the time to look on you, everyone is focussed on their “I”. We might be worried thinking by the stare or the look of the person, that this particular colour( red, blue, green, yellow, purple or whatever) may look dark on me, without knowing the story on the other end that, he is worried n giving such suspicious looks ‘coz he wore a torn tee by mistake.
Dreams does have a meaning, sooner I realised, I started enjoying my dark street walks.There are no more ghosts.

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My Little mumma…

We often say there is a kid in us, I ve found a new one there is a mom/dad in your kid.

They pretend to be like us while we want to be like them. My little one got sprain in her foot again in the same foot for the third time and reason being, real dangerous stunt she was trying perform – she was walking yeah! Funny no? You heard it right she got it while coming back home not after playing n actually being and behaving like a monkey on the monkey bar, she always get the sprain like this, mere walking on a plain floor n you tilt your foot just like that. A simple small scratch may be caused due to itching on a mosquito bite takes her attention for minimum four days n mean while those days she do everything the usual, like when it comes to playing and playing and playing but if I got to touch that scratch by mistake she ’ll just scream like anything “oo mumma you vve hurt me its was already paining.”So I could actually see my future for another two weeks minimum coz this time it was a sprain n its was kinda serius, foot was swollen badly. So by the time I took her to doc as he wont be available at this time I just googled for good instant treatment for the sprain n I got one ‘the heat and ice treatment. Swelling was noticeably reduced next morning, so I continued it for few days n sprain was fine in few days. Everything is going good daily I am feeling my little one is growing now and more n more into a mumma she behaves when she got to learn some new fact, there is been a considerable change in her behaviour like if I asked her to do something in a correct way, the reply I got to hear is – “I know, I was doing this only.” Today she got a call infact a video call,very normal for me now from her friend (kids these days actually smarter if they cant come in person to play, they play cards on video call.I was surprised when I first noticed this that she is actually playing online with her friend on a video call.. Now this is what I say you are JUST A CALL AWAY. ) So this time call was not for playing instead it was for the treatment method we did on the sprained ankle. As her bestie got a sprain on the foot this time. Don’t know what I can say about the expression she had after hearing about the sprain as if something really like an achievement ‘coz she got it n now her friend got it. So she started telling her what to do, keeping me in loop, we did this n after this n all. The whole treatment was almost explained then all of a sudden she said wait I ’ll just text you the whole treatment, her friend, I could hear insisted -“no tell me like this only, its paining. No dear, it has to be done rite way otherwise things will be more messed up and its dangerous. I am texting you the whole n then I ll write – call me n then you call me again I ’ll explain you the whole-her reply”. Now this actually reminded me of when I was explaining a cake recipe to a friend. No ingredients should be missed so I texted along with explaining the method. Seeing this, I am prompted to the the thought that they wanna be like us, behave like us and we are trying see our childhood in them.

We don’t ‘live’ once, we only ‘DIE’ once

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Life in a jar

The Jar of life
So much we get in our life so much is added so much is used or removed.
The jar of life…why we get weak in situations which demands us to be the strongest, or may be we are always pretending to be strong but we forget, that pretension works well when circumstances are fine but as the wind changes the direction and we feel the heat, we just get carried away with the heat, we start looking for escapes or get arrogant. Life isn’t a bed of roses but who wants it that way… Behind roses there are thorns which are just hidden by the charm of roses.Its not a war field truly but for that feeling of accomplishment that stands us apart from the crowd, we have to accept that. We are alive in this world as we are strong enough to be here… To win over a tough call if required, it should be answered. Fulfillment comes with real new and tough, monotony never excites. Even your favorite pizza doesn’t excites your taste buds when you are stomach full. Morning are fresh as they come after night long darkness with a fresh sunlight. No nights, and beauty of mornings is irrelevant.
I know its hard to practice then advice but victimization of your self is not justified either.. At a point in our life we confront a situation that makes us uneasy. We start becoming the victims why this is happening to me. “Why always me? ”.Such people work on a assumption that world should be fair to them, which is indeed a child way to confront.You are lucky to be in this as a person who has not seen good times would never react in bad times. This expression comes because of uncertainty. We work hard, we achieve a level. We stay there for some time but we forget we can’t beat the time. Don’t forget the time when you got luck may be getting any opportunity.This🌍 earth, the universe is responsible for everyone, your movements decides moves of another as it happened to you and will happen again to you. We just crib without looking for the opportunities , as we studied in Economics without opportunity cost you can’t expect further beginnings. Though you won’t get the chance by cribbing ‘coz that’s how it is, but then don’t forget if our cribbings would have worked , we have always cribbed about not going to school as a kid, we cribbed as we always wanted bunk our lectures in college but we couldn’t . We wanted fun n hanging out with GF or BF there were never reservations but they come full throttle at the time of marriage and we crib. We don’t understand the beauty of time. Though we realize its beauty when we are happy but then we claimed it be ours like(boasting our actions) my hard-work , it was n’t easy for me I know what I did, I always had brains, I made sacrifices n all but when things take a turn, negative n positive, we start blaming others. Remember, if we could decide our life our way,then may be we would not be holding even a graduation degree🎓.As we cribbed at that time too about not going to School or Universities. So lets leave this on time and give time some time to do its job.
Where does our confidence, our ability, hard-work goes in a new not required or may be estimated situation . When we start getting results for our efforts it becomes an addiction,don’t let this go off your mind that every accomplishment starts with a decision to try. Past should be past. It can destroy your future.Live your life for future, for what life has to offer not for what has gone. No matter what has gone and how far you are from where you want to see yourself and how far you are away from it , just BELIEVE that somehow you will make it. After all life is not about finding you its about creating you the way you want it. Let today be the day you stop being victim instead start taking actions towards the life that you want.
Only you can shape your life. Break free from the poisonous victim mentality and realize the power in you. After all you are not here to live mediocre life.
There is saying
You LIVE only once… NO you live everyday
You DIE only once.

My Duggal Diaries…

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My Duggal Diaries…
Duggal’s daily diaries…

N am the new Duggal Saab-crazy wonderor 👀

“Twinkle Twinkle little star, how I wondor what you are”
REALLY!!! but I am not a star and I am still wondering who I am, as there is one big Duggal Saab in me who keeps coming back. Duggal saab -(my favorite character played by Kadar Khan who suffered from memory loss and forgets who he is and thus he is a new person each day, with full dedication and in full character of the day.)

Day one

May be…

I am a writer🙇

Just like him there is one memory patient in me who just keep forgetting.My everyday has a story to tell coz today Mr Duggal in me is a writer.Now when I am a writer I need to write too… But really is it that simple, after juggling and actually messing up my brain I am still clueless what to write coz Google God has everyone just writing everything about anything. So where is my chance to show my… Today I am a writer 👻 ghost.

BUT

Two day before day one…

Turned a fitness freak overnight💪.

Somehow it was an unusual morning as I didnt want to go back to sleep after resuming my daily alarm.So went out in the balcony, fresh morning breeze ,dunno but I just went in and put on my jogging shoe n all set for the jog.. , what a fantastic feeling, felt great and a lighter me.Just got back to my college n school times when I used to be like this in holidays..A lot of people are afraid of heights but I am afraid of widths… The width of increasing waist scares me.I know I ’ll not be fit overnight but then I am in no hurry I am patient I ll work hard, will stay consistent.whole day just went in pampering me the healthy way… Oats for breakfast… Lots of salad before the lunch followed by a balanced meal, watched few nice workout videos on youtube and made timetable for the whole week. It is so rightly believed that only a healthy body can have a healthy mind. I was feeling gorgeous inside n out. Free from the sweaty workout, and as per the information I collected its time for a glass of milk or may be eggs.All proteins for all the good loss and for a new replenishing muscle building yeah I read it in science chapter too, proteins help in muscle building… God this is so nice I am already getting a sharper memory ….childhood chapters… . Just one day wow (healthy body, healthy mind).So exhaust, my god sweating out feels real good, I am feeling good too but Damn really thought sometimes back may be its some hormonal fluctuations as everyone say women are most vulnerable too that are reasons for my mood swings , my inner fatty that EVIL WITCH has started missing the 🍕 pizza. Thoughts getting dipped in the creaminess of pizza, cream made me slip and I fall… Pizza to blame… Not me. My mind says workout but heart says food and I ve observed I am heartfull person. I feel, I am feeling more beautiful n fulfilling then to what I was feeling in morning…

One Day before day one..

A big cheezy pizza last night, spicy dreams …
A good morning really? cramps??? They ’ll go obvio did after long. Already snoozed alarm clock for the tenth time… I dont think its the right time for the morning jog… Oh oh!… I missed it but instead of actually missing the jog I am missing the pizza.

WTF(where is the food)
Lets make something just like that… Excited… Exotic garlic bread…

I am a cheff… May be??? 🔪🍴

I dont know where from this is all coming.but I think its much easier now when Ihad the garlic breads, which were I feel better the last night’s pizza, I should ’ve really tried for a chef in some big hotel…may be my last night food loving heart is now soaring to a new height. BON APETIT.. Eating is a necessity but cooking is an art and I wont be impressed with any technology until I can download food. People who love to eat are the best people and good mood is a good food with your 👪 family. Blah blahhh!!! so good thoughts running over my head. All I did, saw few recipes and cooked one which best suited to me as per my taste and above all with the ingredients I ’ve coz the chef in me is not having the patience to wait to go to the store for things. Its actually getting too much of experimenting, so cooked and it is superb, its a recipe from Uttarakhand. Everyone loved it and appreciated the passion with which Duggal saab was in the character of chef. Then I ate it, loved it and actually felt yes! I realised this is actually what I ve always wanted to become. My non fussy attitude towards food and experimenting with recipes is my new 😍 love.
Everyone just appreciated,said you olways cook good wateva u cook… Oooo man …Is dat all? I always cook good may be the simple daily meals, I remember , even my mom used to cook them good too …nah! but she never cooked anything new but what if she would ve tried… May be that would be good too… All around me except me knew I am a great cook coz I always cook with a whole hungry heart.. Ooo shit. I am not feeling like some great stuff, my chef ’s feeling is now fading…

Three days before day one….

One fine morning just wondering in my balcony watching people holding their lunch boxes and laptop, smartly dressed rushing to their cars for their workplace. Style with substance 😎 Woww this is so exciting I feel like Wow! I wish! I wanna go like this now, spending whole day out working, breaking the monotony new project, new challenge each day. But getting up early and rushing becomes a question I just wanna do this after my late morning 😴 sleep. No not my cup of tea. Today Mr Duggal’s weekoff.

Day one…flashback

Lately I ’ve realised I am lazy but penning down my creativity makes me feel so alive, engrossed and go with the flow feel. But dats not the end problem is wat to write, its just getting so crazy I wanna write but I don’t know what really.
I know almost all good writing begins with terrible efforts but I need to start somewhere.We always don’t start writing good stuff infact we start writing the crap and with all our persistent efforts we just start becoming better at that crap. So I am just writing…
Briliiantly enjoying my new duggal avatar, don’t know for how long but, Wanna go wid my flow the duggal ji s flow

A new me everyday🐣